Dirt Bowl Ooze and Ahsget

•February 9, 2010 • 1 Comment

Another fundraiser, another just cause.
The event: Dirt Bowl fun ride with David Wiens, the Leadville 100 champion who whipped Lance a couple years ago. The cause: Norcal cycling league advocacy, to ensure trails for up-and-coming riders.
Wiens is my 1990’s racing colleague who now runs Gunnison Trails, and probably sits on a board or two. He’s a low-key mover and shaker with mud on his cleats, and the Berkeley,  Calif.-based high school agency flew him out to inspire some largesse.  Marin County’s idyllic terrain comes with a caveat–extremely restricted access. Only a fraction of the sinuous trails weaving around the mountain and side slopes are permissible Frolic Zones if you’re on a bicycle.

I doubt we’ll be legal on narrow trails this decade, but at least there will be a large cohort of youth who care to lobby toward a shared-use open space policy.

Forty five people paid $125 to support the two causes (with $9k raised!): Marin County Bicycle Council –proceeds will be  for Safe Routes to School and Share the Road (which are getting mountain bikers safely to their rides) and Norcal Racing.

Some may have ridden the vacated (psst! Superbowl Sunday!) roads, but most rolled out onto the Tamarancho reserve to ride with Otis Guy, Gary Fisher, “Old Neverend”, fabulous me, and Mr. Wiens.  The day was a sparkling spring sonnet.  Two months early, but oh  so beautiful, the first in a week of rain. Waterfalls gushed, riders slopped gleefully on well-groomed (if slippery) trails and bonds were strengthened.
As usual, one young man–Chris Johnson–reminded me that he last saw me when he was fifteen…and now he races pro road bikes….This sort of mini-reunion does a major number on my ego; I arrive all puffed up because:
a) I rode my bike to the event–maybe the only person do do so

b) I can’t wait to tease Ned about something or other.

c) I won’t be “last”.  If there are any people my age on the ride, I’m in my element. Last time I checked, the 24 year olds are not paying 125 for anything short of rent or a month’s worth of food.

Then I overinflate, thanks to the heady mix of endor- and outdoorphins, gab, jive, and photo ops.

Mix in: a microphone. Steve Wyrostok and Tom Boss are making a film about…what? The event? Or a bigger, overarching issue (has this word gotten too much play in the last two years?)…I’ll let you know when I find out.

So I interviewed a bunch. Met: Tim McCracken. Tom Pisillo. Gia & Pat Donohue. Andreas and Chris Bosch. Cindy Glass. Tom….er…oh, darn. From Marin Cyclists. Shit.

Just prior to launching myself off the bike

Airstream trailer dreamin’

•February 3, 2010 • 3 Comments


Bonneville HDR

Originally uploaded by bredlo

My “Glob-Trottoir” (French for sidewalk snot) is getting stripped and re-done.   Not for going anywhere, but for  staying-put.
The fantasy: have a clean, roomy ‘womb of my own’. Tomorrow meeting with a local artisan… wish me luck…
PS this pic  isn’t my little airstream, it’s Brad’s–a stranger–whose flickr picture caught my attention. That photo on the Bonneville salt flatz utterly captivates me.

B-Side

•January 30, 2010 • 8 Comments



Modern San Franciscan

Originally uploaded by wombatbiker

Just couldn’t resist putting together the feminine response to Mike Giant’s
“Modern San Franciscan”
I can already tell I forgot to mention anything about ’sculpted calves” or “soul patch”, “un-colored hair (if any)”, etc.
Might have to do another one for us old bats….
Your feedback is precious to me…

The Modern San Franciscan, pen & ink

•January 29, 2010 • 1 Comment


Have you seen me?

More art! I just got this scrumptious drawing via the offices of Antonio “Bicycling Jet Setter & Art Patron” Colombo.
It’s by Mike Giant. With his permission, I submit this fine work to my reader/writer’s gaze.
I need say no more, he’s included plenty of text for you to chew on.

River Otter Sighting

•January 28, 2010 • Leave a Comment

My first!

Up at the lakes, I came upon a  man gazing into the water.

“There, look over there!” he said softly.  “Three…”
My gasp sent two of them diving, leaving one looking up at us.
The gentleman in the red coat (probably irked we’d ruined the show) told us that he’d seen one of them eating a turtle.
Ew!!!
I wonder if they just chew up the meat and leave the shell, or if they grate the shell over linguini…
I incorrectly ‘corrected’ both the hiker and my companion Bob Coooper, a bona-fide journalist (i.e. truth-dealer) that this was a ‘fisher’–not a ‘river otter’. I was so sure of it.
Until I got home and looked it up. Seems like fishers look quite different.

Sheesh. Well, anyway, aquatic mammals of every type are cool to spot.
See if you can find the bikers in the watercolor.

Other wildlife: Pat Reddix, riding with Charlie Kelly,  and Gary Leo on his daily constitutional with Dave New Kidneyguy.

To the Choir

•January 24, 2010 • 2 Comments

The Bicycle Bond, one of the strongest known, derives its power from the inescapable fact that riding  turns the rider into a Zealot.  If the rider is already a Zealot, then they become a Major Pain In The Butt Zealot, the kind of person that attempts to create links from cycling to any other subject of conversation that might come up among a group of uncyclists, to rope the discussion back under control.

I am one of them. With much help, I have learned to rein in this urge, but  I have to admit it to the world, here in my little blog.
Zealots know that

–bicycling, whether on skinny tires or fat,  is a  low-impact activity that alleviates  the ills of mostpodern humanity.

–bicycling does not abide the mental yo-yo game between past and future that we allow to pass for reality.  The bicycle obliges you to be precisely here, at this moment…Poised in perfect balance between the dime-sized oval blobs that connect the tire to the ground. Oh, all right, then : on a road bike you can often get away with the yo-yo game more easily than on a mountain bike because concrete, asphalt, pavements promise a smooth surface.
Whether they keep that promise is another thing entirely.

And lastly, bicycling is cheap bliss—the celebrated endorphins eliminate the middle man (‘big Pharm” or shady illegal pharm/ag) and put you in full control of your dose.

Give Oil You Can

•January 21, 2010 • 1 Comment

Liberal Use Suggested

The creator of Chain-L No.5 lube, NYC bicycle advocate and inventor Francis Bollag has stepped up to the plate the way so many world citizens have, in these catastrophic times.
Rather than gum up the gears by heading down to Haiti, he’s greasing the wheels of recovery by giving every donor of $25 dollars (paid to a reputable charity) a free 4 -oz bottle of his superb product.
He’ll send it to you free, if you send proof of the donation and the $3.00 shipping cost. Personally, I’m partial to mailing singles in an envelope because it’s so …I don’t know..subversive? Stupid? The money always gets there..

Don’t forget to include your address…and you will have helped make the whirl go roun’….

Thank you FB.

Button Heads

•January 21, 2010 • 4 Comments

Jeff at First Flight Bicycles in North Carolina  uncovered and scanned for me one of my earliest writings.  Three pages that somehow failed to be filed in my vast store of bike phelosofy.

Click like mad on the picture (or the above link, thanx GH) to read  Bike Tech–a  newsletter put out by Rodale Press between 1982 and 1985.  It had a nerdular slant, lots of graphs and a heap o’ science. No women writing for it (red button alert)!

August 1983 was practically the dark ages of off road frame technology, with one exception.
Ahem.  ( Thumb jerk in direction of the curly headed guy in the kitchen).

Aluminum’s bad reputation rested on careful analysis of the fatigue characteristics of beer cans.  Verily, Gary Klein had applied for a patent on using big diameter aluminum to make stiff frames and tackled the aluminum myth in an earlier issue of Bike Tech, right about when he threatened to sue (guy in the kitchen reading the paper) for ah…daring to use aluminum tubing of a certain dimension to build bicycles.

I adore science. Almost as much as I adore littratcher.  My local library allows me to  study (for no grade)  the theories and the general patterns of the natural world.  Biology was my first major at college, but within two years it became clear that my work habits weren’t congruent with the basics of empirical analysis: reproducibility  and rigor.

My way:   experimenting  until 3 a.m. on increasingly tired fruit flies without success (i.e. achieving a decent plottable line)  because I’d missed one or two steps…like counting accurately. Or: noting the variables such as temperature, time of day, crumply wings, etc.

Failures in technique which inspired creativity in another area: fiction.

Ah, but metal is so predictable compared to fruit flies, which mutate.

Whew. I’m digressing.

I needed the entire magazine(not just my story), so I called my trusty comrade-in-renown, CK.

In five minutes  he called back .

“Not only do I have the issue in question, but one full set of Bike Tech!” he cackled.

“CK, your data are so… retrievable!” I cooed. “Check out the framewrecking story, it’s the first one I wrote for Rodale…”

“I see you didn’t mention your affiliation to Charlie” he jabbed.

(At the bottom of the article is written,”Jacquie Phelan is a writer and a bicycle racer  who works in Charlie Cunningham’s shop”)

“Well, you didn’t mention your  ownership of MountainBikes in Fat Tire Flyer, didja?” I parried.

“Everyone knew who I was” he  replied dismissively.
“Yah?  (smugly) Even the folks in England?  So anyway, CK, the story  demonstrated that aluminum could take real abuse when compared to analogous steel frames”.

“Nah. It says the stress happened using a scissor jack, which pushes–not pulls (CC had mollified the jack to pull–ed.) and a real impact is more of  a spike.”

He had me there. Being clueless about spikes, yield points and metallurgy, I waffled.

“C.K. , Charlie is the engineer. If impact speed mattered, he would have said so”.

CK loves a good argument and he always wins,  ’cause …well, one word: volume.

CC (guy in kitchen) waved me over, and I handed him the phone.

I thought  about how,  even now, the  tubing, the analysis, even my covert relationship to  the  framebuilder is considered arguable.

CC to CK:   “Crash tests for automobiles are vastly more complex”…(long pause)…”.but they ….”(pause)…”Right but….  no, it’s a lot more complicated than that.  Car crash tests have to happen at speed to measure the inertial effects on the robots  inside as well as the strength of the design…”

I am tempted to butt in and complain that those same auto companies never design tests to show the average motorist’s inept multi-tasking   of booze, drugs, cell-phones, and now–finally!– computer consoles built into the dash board.

Wait a year for cyclist and ped death stats to ’spike’.

Oh, wait, drivers aren’t under the control of car companies, are they? But we are all under the control of car company lobbyists, right?

WHEN ARE BIKE LOBBYISTS GOING TO  BRIBE POLITICIANS ?
I’m REALLY digressing now…

CC to CK: “Speed of the load doesn’t matter. As the load increases, the metal flexes, and when the load reaches a certain point, the metal permanently bends. Before that point, the metal just springs back to its original shape. The speed the load is applied  is irrelevant to the metal…”
I listened to him trying to explain that in a real bike crash, there are inertial effects that add to the load, such as the mass of the front wheel and fork being accelerated (relative to the motion of the frame) into the frame and maybe even the mass of the rider being accelerated into the frame in the other direction. These would contribute to the net load on the frame, but if all these are equal (and for our frame comparison they would need to be) the outcome would be the same. That stuff could probably be reproduced pretty accurately in a lab setting but it really adds unnecessary complexity and doesn’t change the outcome. The science of metallurgy would have known by now if the rate of loading affected the yield point but it doesn’t show up in the literature.

CC gave back the phone headset with a shrug.

“We were having some FUN there!” Seekay exulted.

“Dude, you around for awhile? I wanna copy the whole issue. Yah?  I’ll be  right over.”

Between storms,  CK is in his Kelly Moving man cave, where the piano-moving magic happens. He’s got a bookshelf that reminds me of Andrew Ritchie’s….’compendious’….I pull up “His Finest Hour“, a lovely kid’s book featuring Doug and Ralph, two boys who bike, the former an ordinary kid with a bike, and the latter, well, you have to dig it up. In a mere thousand words or less, a brilliant morality tale..

I showed  Bike Tech to (guy in kitchen) CC, and he paged through, marveling about what great stuff came out of that experiment.

“None of us knew what the outcome would be beforehand, and framebuilders had an opportunity to  learn from this.”

He knew that the ‘industry’ was paying close attention.  The reasons for the gussets, the importance of tubing diameter, all kinds of stuff.  WTB was not mentioned in the story because Charlie, Steve and Mark really hadn’t created it yet.
One thing I miss, though, about those Dark Ages: bicycles hadn’t yet became  a disposable commodity (well, OK there were those junkbikes at Kmart).
Bikes were  machines imbued with soul that, with care, would last you a lifetime.

More than a lifetime.
Unless you had a run-in with a scissor jack.

San Francisco Way-Back Machine

•January 16, 2010 • 5 Comments

The hills remain the same. Smog already present.

Extra! Extra! Tweet all about it.

….Ron Henggeler linked me to rare footage of  San Francisco shot in 1906,  only four days before the 1906 earthquake.

Now and then, on my bike, I try to imagine the way things were when the safety bicycle was in use, say between 1900-1910.  B.C. (Before Cars). How things might have looked, smelled, etc.

I also try to be realistic about the likelihood of a mid-fifties woman cruising around on such a bike without  being arrested for disturbing the peace…

I like to think they had a decent transportation mix: walkers, bikers, horses and streetcars, but you can see the automobile (without benefit of road striping or traffic lights) interfering with it all.
If you have 8 minutes to go back in time, you will also  note how very few women appear.  Scholars tell us that ‘06 was still the Dark Ages for women, and very few were seen out and about, unless they were on an extreme shopping mission…or someone’s maid. Or that other thing…the so-called world’s oldest profession.
I know there were older ones than that–soothsaying, mudwifery, cave painting & stencilling, baby-sitting, and acorn-gathering.
I’m sending you this cuz I can’t get email for a few days. At least my comment section will work.

Sigh.

Open Letter To Mr. Pat Robertson from Kent Madin

•January 15, 2010 • 1 Comment

Dear Friends,
Pat Robertson just had to let us know that Haitians earned two centuries of misery and the current earthquake by making a pact with the Devil.

Tomorrow, after making a donation to the Red Cross to support relief efforts in Haiti I am posting a size 12 sock to:

Pat Robertson’s Mouth
c/o The Christian Broadcasting Network
977 Centerville Turnpike
Virginia Beach, VA 23463

In the spirit of crazy, internet-driven grassroots movements, I cordially invite you to join me.

Surely, somewhere in your dresser drawer is a sock (or stocking)  which could save Pat Robertson from himself.

It only takes a moment of your time, any old sock will do, stuffed into an envelope and propelled with a couple of stamps. Dirty sock is O.K.

Feel free to distribute this humble suggestion to friends and encourage them to post a piece of footwear to Pat and tell him  “PUT A SOCK IN IT!”.

Just imagine the joy and humility that will be Pat’s on receiving thousands of socks from those who treasure his silence.

Note to my readers: Kent and his wife Linda Svendsen are philanthropic world travellers and tour guides. Charlie, his father and I went to Baja California on two of their Boojum Expeditions.

A little-known party animal commonly known as JFK Jr was  on the kayak tour.  The story will be in my ‘moi-moir’ coming out this summer.